Simply put, God is amazing and great. Throughout the past few weeks, I’d been battling loneliness. Being abandoned by most people in my life, I haven’t pushed them out of my life first for either self preservation and safety of consciousness. But through all the darkness, I am being brought out of it with the light of God’s love and purest comfort possible. This is not to say I didn’t spend another week inside the mental health hospital for battling some of the side effects of darkness. Which, I just returned home from again yesterday. Mental health is such an extreme consequence for us in this society we find ourselves trying to march through. And that is not to say any of us are weak. I actually find it the opposite. It’s usually those of us with the most character whom God has chosen to give the biggest challenges. You know, those roadblocks He determines are appropriate for learning life lessons? If there’s any theme of my life, it’s been the consequence of disaster. That’s quite obvious. But I can recognize that God doesn’t give us anything He doesn’t think we can handle or things that of which won’t be used for our utmost good in the long run. And I may have touched on this subject before, but I will mention it again. And this is what I am doing today, catching you up to speed on some of the synchronicity I’ve experienced at the absolute hands of God this past week. And if anything, God certainly is not devoid of a sense of humor at times either. 🙂
Since the lonely component of living independently has ravaged through my being the past couple weeks, let me catch you up to speed. I have decided to get a cat. While I’d have loved a dog much more, having a dog comes with a lot more stressful responsibilities than than that of a cat who are such independent creatures of themselves. While they are pretty low maintenance, they are incredible sources of emotional support. I have owned a couple cats previously, and they were terrific to have in my little mother-in-law unit back when I was just 18 and 19. So, hopefully having a cat will help me with the detriments of darkness and not feel so alone. Something to cuddle up with me and give me some emotional support when I need it. But as for the synchronous events that led up to this decision, let’s dive into those.
My case managers were discussing the possibility of me getting into an assisted living facility and boy did he (Isaiah) ever work hard on getting through some of the hoopla to research a place I could go where I would feel less alone. Throughout the history of my adult life, I have loved living alone. Only until recently, has the light bulb of sociability just started to switch on at the speed of an ultraviolet ray. I prayed one night that if this assisted living idea was the ideal situation within his cards, let’s just play the deck. Well… the next day in one of our group therapies, we were given a playing card from a main deck of cards with the task of clarifying what thing was written on it by the peer group leader. Yes, it was essentially a playing card from a deck of cards similar to what you’d find in a casino. Not only that, but it was the 9 of diamonds. Nine is my life number, so many life events and other synchronous symbolisms center around the number 9. So that was God saying, “Hey you, keep your head up. We’re figuring this out.” But even more so, throughout the course of the week inside the mental health facility, God was playing the deck of options I had to choose from and led me to this decision I am at now, because ultimately the assisted living facility was not an option immediately possible anyway. Oh and by the way, we still played a deck of UNO cards as part of that day’s activity. If that’s not God’s language, I don’t know what is.
Well that night, after finding that an assisted living facility was interested in me but other factors were conditionally keeping it from coming to fruition, I prayed saying, “Whatever you choose, I will continue being your shining star, God.” That next day, in another group therapy, I sat next to a guy whom I believe is much life the character from the movie A Beautiful Mind. I glanced down at what he was doodling, and he was drawing a set of stars and one of them was shining. I made special attention to bring up how he was an incredible artist and in one of his more coherent spoken sentences, he clarified why he was making them look like they were “glittery and shiny” and that was because the two of us were sitting in front of the window with the sun shining directly through “allowing them to shine brightly.” Again, that was definitely God saying “Hey buckaroo, you’ve got this whatever happens.”
The next day, after not mentioning anything truly specific to have come out through symbolism synchronicity in my prayer that night, I woke to them taking my blood pressure which read: 117/76. To some that’s just any number. But to me, that is significant to my mom’s numbers. 117 was the month and day she passed (January 17) and 76 was her birthday (July 6). So that was even more assurance from her as if to say “It’s going to be okay, you can calm down.”
Fast forward to this morning. I am following a daily journal that goes in with Joel Osteen’s book “Blessed in the Darkness” and the very next passages for today was so incredibly relevant to being dropped by people, circumstances, and events. And when it got personal to do with people in my life, that was when I raised my head and chuckled. “Ha ha, thank you God for your incredible sense of humor.” And that’s when I saw the next paragraph when Joel brings in the scripture:
“See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” – Isaiah 49:16 NIV
So *you see,* there’s a clear language God uses in our lives. It’s called synchronicity. I think I am being called to write a book about my take on synchronicity and circumstances of coincidences. I don’t believe in them anymore because I believe everything happens for a set reason by God’s choosing. But, there’s also an already established book by Squire Rushnell, if you are interested in a current read–“When God Winks at You.” So it’s all going to be okay. I just needed another pause to be reassured where I could pay attention to God speaking directly through to me in order to get that reassurance I was needing.
I hope everyone has a tremendous day. Much love and affection….