Have you ever had so much joy in your heart you were just about to burst, but yet you know that you still have to remain humble and pragmatic? But also you figure the best person to talk to about your joy would be to send it straight up to the big cheese Himself?
Well, that’s happening. Right now. As I prepare to brush my teeth and go to sleep, I sent up a little friendly warning to God with a big grin–“You’re about to get a long talkin’ to, so you’d better buckle your seatbelt!”
It’s a brand new week and what an amazing journey the past couple of weeks have been for me. As you’ve read through my blog upon my return to faith writing–turning my personal thoughts and experiences into relatable moments for you–I can honestly say with a very happy heart I know what I’m being called to do by God. And you know what? It’s something I have done much of already, but not quite on the level He wants. In fact, I asked him to speak to me as I took another piping hot shower, “God please tell me what you’re calling me to do.” To which he responded:
“You’ve already begun your calling. You just backslid for some time, but I have you back on the right path.”
Well if you were to ask me a couple weeks ago, what I thought my calling was, I’d have given you a blank stare. My shoulders would be in a tight shrug while the crickets chirped awkwardly. Then as I attended an Equip class at my church called “Recognizing Your Spiritual Calling,” I started to pick up on some ideas… but it wasn’t until the final three minutes of class when I had been given a clue. It wasn’t just because the room was quiet as Pastor Paul had us participate in this exercise. It was ultimately because I opened my mind and my heart to truly listen to God. I’d been listening to God for the past couple weeks, pretty much every waking minute. But through it all… some direction. Paul told us to write down what we heard pop into our minds. It wasn’t a whisper, rather just implicitly clear.
“I want you to turn your voice into something for the betterment of society.”
As class let out, I prepared to make my trek home. I slipped in my earphones and stepped outside to find that my weather app lied big time. I’m starting to think we ought to give more grace to TV weathermen everywhere because they rely on this same technology and its accuracy leaves much to be desired. Of course I was walking home in a heavier downpour than when I first entered the building a couple hours earlier, but the app said it was going to have stopped raining by the time class let out. I told God, “You know what? Keep it coming down. I’m no stranger to water. You know this!” In fact, water is the one element I seem to connect with God best in.
On my walk home, I started getting these ideas and trying to think of the keyword The Almighty instilled into my head not but minutes earlier. Voice. No, I’m a horrible singer no matter how much I love to sing and dance alone in the house. Voice. What on His green earth did he mean? Certainly it had nothing to do with my voice in an audible medium because my voice is meek and tiny. I’m Autistic and try as I might, not many people really listen to what I have to tell them when I speak up. Surely it has something to do with my missing tooth which turns my smile into that of a Jack-O-Lantern at Halloween.
No, no, no. That’s not what He was getting at. He meant turning my voice into something for the betterment of society. Of course. I got it! I had enough courage to speak up in the class in front of practically thirty other people to ask “Does God put a person through years of struggling in order to teach them some sort of lesson?” To which he replied of the like, “God doesn’t purposely put anyone through torment via abuse, He doesn’t cause wars, He wants the opposite of conflict all around. But He is definitely known for using someone’s struggling experiences to help the world for the greater good of serving Him.”
Okay, okay, okay. I got it now, I thought as I reached 5th and Main Street. Little Voice… I have a little voice and He wants me to raise it for some greater good. He wants me to take the past three years of hurt and exhausting struggle to HELP others. How could I start something like that? I wondered. If there is something I can say that I think I am good at, it’s writing. Writing is a voice. So, that was a start, but more or less, I needed to connect the keypoints of how God uses us to deliver our “Calling.”
I have several years of pharmacy experience, and I am good at the written word. I have an easier time helping make blog posts relatable so others can find something to resonate with which may help them through their personal struggles. But how would a measly blog help serve others? It doesn’t. But perhaps a book is. A book which could be accessible in libraries and church bookstores telling my story of a very large road of depression and how turning to Jesus can be that leap someone needs to help cure their depression. And if they can’t afford it, perhaps that it also be available in non-profit organizations and clinics so anyone socioeconomic class can have access to such material.
So it’s a book. That’s a good start to identifying my steps toward meeting God’s plan for my life as a christian. Yes, there are lists of books which serve the same purpose. But everyone has a different story, and what may not resonate with Jane, might resonate with Jack. Perhaps Jack is also an adult on the Autism spectrum and finds parallels with my story of fighting the enemy in a multi-year battle of depression and three suicide attempts, just to name a couple of key points. Though, my battle goes deeper than just being a bipolar autistic guy with a history of suicide.
And this, my friends, is just the first step of God’s plan for my life. But I couldn’t think of any better idea and I can’t help but only take partial credit for this idea because it’s many thanks to the guidance of our great Father for helping me chart this first stepping stone to my spiritual calling. Ohhhh and just as I went to schedule this post, my radio started playing the song ‘Let It Rain (Is There Anybody)’ by Crowder and Mandisa. If that’s not divine confirmation, I don’t know what is!!
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Happy Sunday, blog world.
I won’t keep any of you for too long but I wanted to kick off this week of posts about “New Beginnings” and Salvation as this marks my 1st Birthday as an official Child of Christ. Yes, Today (a year ago) I was baptized for the first (and only) time in my life. I have scratched the insides of my brain trying to figure out how to embed a video of my baptism from my Tumblr site. So the best I can do is provide a link for you guys to click on that will open in a new window or tab of your browser. When it’s finished, you can close the window or tab and you’ll be back on this page.
https://www.tumblr.com/video_file/65267576987/tumblr_mvchprX58q1rncl2j
To kickstart my “Spiritual Birthday Week” I am enjoying all the same things I did exactly a year ago.
I have a luscious beef roast in the kitchen that’s simmering to perfection. Glory be to God for the invention of this thing called a Crockpot.
I am going to watch the exact same movie that I did with my friends in Indy that day. RED starring Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich with Mary-Louise Parker and Morgan Freeman.
The only things missing today from the original day are my Indy friends and my precious pooch, Mini Cooper.
AND YES… I WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE MY EYEGLASSES WITH PASTOR STEVE POE!
Hope all you wonderful guys and gals have a great close to the weekend. See y’all tomorrow back here on The Heart Mechanic!
The Heart Mechanic 